Ladyhawke and iTunes vouchers. And cauliflower. Coz thats cool.

Oh, by the way. The titles of my blogs have no relevance to the inside matter what so ever. So how was your day? Mine was miraculously fast. Im having a strange day. One of my friends is calling himself a fuckup and Im trying to tell them that theyre not and he just keeps saying yes i am yes i am until i get so pissed off i give up. I feel bad for giving up on him though. I just cant get anything right at the moment. Im still falling down that hole. Its not quite so fast now. Sometimes, i feel like I'm getting a grasp of things, but then I lose grip, and I fall again. At the moment Im feeling like I'm reaching out to snatch at branches, to pull myself out on, but they break, or disappear. I feel like maybe Im only hallucinating that things are getting better. Maybe everything is in a worse downspiral, and my brain blocks it out, and substitutes it with something better. Im leaving now. May as well. Theres nothing else to say really.

Somewhere; out there.

Well. Not quite sure what I'm doing here. Not sure how I ended up here. But hello. I am here. Cant really think of what Im doing. Its 20 minutes to 11pm now, as I begin to type this. I have school tomorrow. I really should be sleeping and yet I find myself sitting here, typing on this blog. I dont even know what posessed me to begin this. Im no good at blog writing. Its like a secret diary. But the opposite.. I dont make sense, its ok; I know that. I guess Im a little random. Oh. I should probably say as well, Im Eleanor, but everyone calls me Ally. I live in Australia and contrary to belief? We dont ride kangaroos to school. For some reason I get asked that a lot. Oh, by the way, i swear. I wont realise it. But i will. Just a forewarning. (: I guess at the moment, I just feel like typing. I feel like theres no one here thats like me, but not in a good "Im unique" way. In a "theres no one to help me" way. In more of an isolated way. Dont get me wrong though, Im not isolated. I have a few friends. We're quite close. But theyre all different to me. Mind you, I guess we've all had times like this. I feel rejected too. Theres been a few different guys I've liked, and all of us, i thought, were pretty good mates. But then you try to make a move, and they scatter like a bullet through a flock of doves. I just ccant seem to find my bearings. One moment I'm completely career orientated, the next I become "Im doing what I want, when I want." and cant be fucked doing any school work or anything. It just doesnt make sense, and I cant get my head around it. I have a decent casual job at the moment too. I work in a bookstore. Its beautiful. All the books and stuff to look at. You never seem to get angry customers either. Its absolutely stunning. But enough of work. Shall we talk perhaps, of gaping holes in reality, that suck you in like a wormhole, of which you never come back the same? Yes, let's. Because thats how I feel right now. Like I'm being pulled through a black worm hole, of endless despair and unhappyness. It feels like its trying to pull my limbs one by one from my torso, and its shoving nails through my gut. I cant think straight. None of the pain is really there. But it feels like it sometimes. I've got no where to turn to, and no one to run too. Being pushed into rocky chasms and pulled out barely alive inside. I cant find my way back anymore. Not to the me I was, not to the me I could be, but Im stuck as something inbetween. But I had better go. So good night, farewell. Until next time. (: xoxo